"Grown Up"
December 16, 2000
I’m all grown up now
You still can’t see
Why can’t you understand me?
My changes I’m going through,
My problems I can’t solve.
My head hurts from all the words you’ve said
My body aches from all the fights, I bled.
I must move on-
But I need help-
-To break down the wall you built up around me-
I need to be free
And I need you to see
How much I hurt inside.
I should tell you how I feel
But it’s be worse
Then trying to heal.
I’m growing up so fast-
But you aren’t there to help
I’m grown up…
…And it’s too late for your help.
“Hurt”
December 16, 2000
I hurt inside
Why can’t you see?
All the pain that you have caused me?
The scars and the bump
That you tore at my heart,
The aches and the pains
That severed my body apart.
I need to get this out
And I need for you to see
That I can’t keep this inside of me
It’s eating my body up
Splitting me even more
It’s making me real sick
And my body really sore.
It’s no shock I don’t talk to you.
You make me feel inferior
When I’m really just like you
But that’s not what I want to be,
And that’s not what I will do.
I’ll be a lot better person than you.
And show you how it should be
For me to finally be able to breathe
Without you down my back-
---I will finally be free.
"Used"
December 16, 2000
I feel used-
How can I do this to myself?
No power to say no-
To kind to resist
I love to help-
And bring others up-
But what about me?
How do you think I feel?
Being ignored, in a world I don’t know
To scared and all alone-
I don’t know what to do
I don’t know how to feel-
I feel so small
Way past the ground,
No one here to help.
To help show me the way-
To open my eyes, and help me have a brighter day,
Why do I do this?
I don’t understand?
Why can’t I be strong?
I feel so used….
…This is so wrong.
“My Guardian Angel”
She was there for me
and where were you
while you were partying,
She was sitting with me in my room,
While I cried.
She listened to how hurt I felt
And helped to melt the unpleasant and hateful
Thoughts I had about you.
She was there for me
and where were you
While you were out with your friends,
She was there when I had the glass in my hand-
To talk me out of hurting myself.
While you were with your boyfriend,
She was there to wipe my tears
And to make me feel safe
When I needed you to be here.
She was there when you said you would help-
but didn’t.
She was there for me
and where were you
She’s here for me and where are you?
You said you’d be here to help me through-
You’ve left me again
To hang with your “crew”
I thought you were different
I thought that you knew?
She held my hand and helped me up-
To start all over a find some good luck.
To leave you behind
To forget all that pain that you have caused.
She was there for me
and helped me through-
But where were you?
